Crap Number Whatever: Attack of the Killer Dip

Just a warning...don't put opened dip in the fridge. Really. Don't.
And don't, like, leave it there for several months. Seriously. Just...just don't.

Meet Crappy Great Auntie Sidina McBloggerson!

A Crappy Interview with Crayola McBloggerson

40 of Crayola McBloggerson's most SHOCKING SECRETS!

1. who were your last 4 texts from?
Uhh...leeme think. The President of the Crayola Factory, my friend Laurention, my hair stylist and Bell Mobility.

2. where was your default picture taken?
My what?

3. what’s your middle name?
Mm. I don't have one.

4. your current relationship status?
Single and undecided.

5. does your crush like you back?
I just told you I was single!

6. what is your current mood?
Well, now I'm aggravated, aren't I!

8. what color shirt are you wearing?
Pink.

9. are you feeling romantic or frisky?
Neither.

10. if you could go back in time and change something, would you?
Probably I wouldn't agree to this interview.

11. where was the last place out of town that you went to?
I'm a nomad.

12. ever had a near death experience?
Who hasn't?!

13. something you do a lot?
Well, use the bathroom...

14. do you have a fondness for gnomes?
Yeah, of course!

15. what people do you tell everything to?
Um, obviously my friend Gnomey McGnomerson!

16. name someone with the same birthday as you?
Gnomey, of course.

17. When was the last time you cried?
Umm...yesterday.

18. where are you right now?
I just said, I'm a nomad! Obviously, I'm in my truck.

19. if you could have one super power what would it be?
To not live in a truck.

20. what’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Well...they're usually sucking face with a member of their opposite sex.

21. who is your favorite celebrity?
*Ahem* Wentworth Miller!

22. what is a Saying that you believe?
"Escape is just the beginning", as you will all find out Labour Day 2008 on Fox!

23. favorite color(s)?
All the colours of the crayon factory!

24. what is one thing that annoys you on tv?
Child actors. My god...spawn of Satan, people! Spawn of Satan!

25. do you still like kiddy movies?
I don't think I ever liked kiddy movies.

26. what are you eating or drinking at the moment?
*shifty eyes* This clear liquid, which is, of course, water! And not vodka. As you can all see.

27. do you speak any other language?
Well, Gnomanian, of course.

28. what’s your favorite smell?
Hmmm. Freshly wrapped crayons.

29. describe your life in one word?
Sh*tty.

30. have any tattoos?
No comment.

31. what are you looking forward to the most?
Not living in a truck?

32. what are you thinking about right now?
This interview...?

33. what should you be doing?
Typing this interview!?

34. who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
YOU!

35. what are you listening to?
Prison Break promos.

36. do you like working in the yard?
I don't have a yard!

37. what color are your nails?
Nail-coloured.

38. do you act differently around the person you like?
I just told you I was single. Like, thirteen questions ago!

39. what is your natural hair color?
Cinnamon-blonde.

40. what did you cry about the last time you did?
My gnome kicked me. And by gnome, of course, I mean my garden gnome and not a "Little People" because I totally respect them.

Crap #14: Regarding Prison Break

Prison Break ROCKS. Especially Wentworth Miller--we all love him. Don't we now? Yes, of course we do. Micheal and Sara are the cutest couple ever.
For more info, you should all check out www.prisonbreakbuff.com, and this awesome preview for the fourth season, coming out on Labour Day with a 2-hour special on the Fox Network.

Crap #12: SunnyD

MmmMMMmmmmM. Taste the chemical goodness. Yum.

Crap! I mean, Miley Cyrus!

MILEY CYRUS came on TV yesterday. Ew.

All I have to say is, "What? What? I'm sorry, WHAT? WHAT? Excuse me, WHAT? WHAT? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over all the UGLY."

Miley, listen: having a host 0f 8-year-olds as your only fans--that's not a good sign.

Who here knew that there was a Hannah Montana line of clothing? (Miley, I guess you knew that. Hopefully.) I think it's a crime against humanity for little 6-year-olds to be wearing tops sporting your face.

Crap #10: Regarding the Jonas Brothers

The Jonas Brothers*: ew. First of all, what the f*ck is up with their hair? Second of all, listen up guys: skinny jeans? Just not happening. Thirdly, um, vests? Um, VESTS? Like, HOLY CRAP.

Thanks everyone who's reading this for your time. And remember, fashion counts. Don't go to the Dark Side.

(For everyone reading this who is infatuated with one or all of them, I really wish I could save you.)



*Crap.

Crap #9: Regarding PICKLES

Well. They're darned good, ain't they?

Crap #8: Regarding Glosette Raisins

Alrighty.

People! Listen up!

Glosette Raisins! I am not completely sure why someone would invent a candy that looks like small, shiny rabbit turds. Mmm. At least they don't taste that much like rabbit shit.

Shiny shit will do.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. Glosette Raisins are delicious.

Crap #7: Gittin' Ready

"Hey, Crayola, why don't you write a new post for your BLOG?"

"No...I shouldn't...I have to be gittin' reaaady for the BEEEAAACHH!"

Crap #6: Regarding Cumberbunds

Cumberbund: An often colourful sash worn by men, with tuxedos. For men who read this: Don't be getting any ideas! We don't like them. And before you ask, no, they're not sexy, and no, they don't make you look mature. Anyone caught wearing a cumberbund can be considered to have the acute manners of a highly defined yeti. That is all. Thank you for your time.

And forever more to you cumberbund-wearers, W. T. F.*
Why would you wear one of these heinous things? WHY?






*What the F*ck.

Crap! The Funeral of Great-Great Uncle Sid McBloggerson

As Great-Great Uncle Sid McBloggerson has been clubbed to death by an umbrella, we all attended his funeral yesterday, whereupon we...uh...set in the special grave stone, carved in the shape of a granny wielding an umbrella to forever mark his fateful and tragic death. The solemn memorial was slightly disturbed when Bunzo the Clown showed up and told us he had, apparently, been hired for a birthday party by Great Aunt Sidina who was slightly confused on the matter. We still all had a great time, throwing Bunzo into the lake which was so conveniently located near the graveyard.

The Crappy McBloggerson Family Reunion

So, the McBloggerson family reunion was last week. It was most enjoyable--apart from the prescence of the McBloggersons. The food was nice, and it was only slightly spoiled after Great-Great Uncle McBloggerson fell on the buffet table during a fight. Unfortunately, Great-Granny McBloggerson thought he was a "party-crasher" and beat him to death with her umbrella (which, unfortunately, caused her to have a heart attack). After reviving Isadora (the afore-mentioned Granny), I managed to slip out and spent a rather large sum of money on a plane ticket out of the country. All in all, it was a pleasant day in Hawaii.

Crap #3: Conversations of the sims cave

So, what's up?

Not a lot. Oh, that's so cute! Green...sleeves...*singing*

You're boring.

What?

I said, you're boring.

That's nice. You're ugly.

Oh.

Ooh, ride-able bikes! Custom animations! Hammer and peg toy...

Pig toy??

Peg toy. *singing*

This song isn't the greatest.

Shut up. *more singing* You can't escape All Souls Night! GREENSLEEVES...

Come read this. It's our conversation.

Huh, nice. You should probably explain that.

How?

Well, otherwise people are going to be like "WHOOOAH Crayola, you've gone crazy."

Huh.

I'd gonna have to watch what I say in the future...

Crap #2: Regarding Sporks

Many of you may not be enlightened about sporks and their usage. While the first thing that comes to mind may be Star Trek, they are in fact a frozen dessert eating tool--invented by a madman who works for Wendy's*. Webster's dictionary defines spork as.... um... Oh screw it, i'm gettin' a flurry.








*Questionable research.

Crap #1

Okay.

My attention span is already elsewhere. (Less than 30 seconds after creating the blog)
I'll have to think about this one.