Crap! I mean, Miley Cyrus!

MILEY CYRUS came on TV yesterday. Ew.

All I have to say is, "What? What? I'm sorry, WHAT? WHAT? Excuse me, WHAT? WHAT? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over all the UGLY."

Miley, listen: having a host 0f 8-year-olds as your only fans--that's not a good sign.

Who here knew that there was a Hannah Montana line of clothing? (Miley, I guess you knew that. Hopefully.) I think it's a crime against humanity for little 6-year-olds to be wearing tops sporting your face.

Crap #10: Regarding the Jonas Brothers

The Jonas Brothers*: ew. First of all, what the f*ck is up with their hair? Second of all, listen up guys: skinny jeans? Just not happening. Thirdly, um, vests? Um, VESTS? Like, HOLY CRAP.

Thanks everyone who's reading this for your time. And remember, fashion counts. Don't go to the Dark Side.

(For everyone reading this who is infatuated with one or all of them, I really wish I could save you.)



*Crap.

Crap #9: Regarding PICKLES

Well. They're darned good, ain't they?

Crap #8: Regarding Glosette Raisins

Alrighty.

People! Listen up!

Glosette Raisins! I am not completely sure why someone would invent a candy that looks like small, shiny rabbit turds. Mmm. At least they don't taste that much like rabbit shit.

Shiny shit will do.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. Glosette Raisins are delicious.

Crap #7: Gittin' Ready

"Hey, Crayola, why don't you write a new post for your BLOG?"

"No...I shouldn't...I have to be gittin' reaaady for the BEEEAAACHH!"

Crap #6: Regarding Cumberbunds

Cumberbund: An often colourful sash worn by men, with tuxedos. For men who read this: Don't be getting any ideas! We don't like them. And before you ask, no, they're not sexy, and no, they don't make you look mature. Anyone caught wearing a cumberbund can be considered to have the acute manners of a highly defined yeti. That is all. Thank you for your time.

And forever more to you cumberbund-wearers, W. T. F.*
Why would you wear one of these heinous things? WHY?






*What the F*ck.

Crap! The Funeral of Great-Great Uncle Sid McBloggerson

As Great-Great Uncle Sid McBloggerson has been clubbed to death by an umbrella, we all attended his funeral yesterday, whereupon we...uh...set in the special grave stone, carved in the shape of a granny wielding an umbrella to forever mark his fateful and tragic death. The solemn memorial was slightly disturbed when Bunzo the Clown showed up and told us he had, apparently, been hired for a birthday party by Great Aunt Sidina who was slightly confused on the matter. We still all had a great time, throwing Bunzo into the lake which was so conveniently located near the graveyard.